A poorly written fairytale
by TheFabDonna
Summary: As Alexis is watching her daughter and the love of her life dance the night away, she wonders what went wrong and her life seems to be a poorly written fairytale. Alexis-centric. One-Shot.


She never figured she would be in this situation, watching her daughter living the life she always wanted. And the worst part is, she knew that deep down inside she should be happy for her daughter, and part of her was. But she couldn't fight the overwhelming feeling of jealous seeing her daughter dancing the night away with him. She could pretend that seeing them like that wasn't enough to break her heart into a thousand pieces, but then again what good what that do her?

She was sick pretending, she'd been doing it for years. Heck, she had pretended most of her life; it was the only way she knew how to get by. But still looking at him now, blocking her out of the picture, she was done pretending, and ready to face the truth. She loved him and she'd always loved him. She never wanted to, and she tried so hard not to. It didn't matter what she did, he was always there, on her mind, in her heart. She tried to resist it; she tried to deny it, saying it was easier this way. Hate is much easier than love anyway, at least for her. She was a Cassadine, wasn't she?

Talk about sentencing your life to becoming a living hell. She sometimes wondered why the Gods had chosen to punish her the way they had. By talking away everything she ever loved, and make her doubt her own choices. Had the heavens decided to punish her just because she had the nerve to be born a Cassadine? If so, they were doing one heck of a job on talking away her last shred of hope.

She knew it was different this time, how she wasn't sure. But it was different. Maybe it was the look in his eyes that told her so. Maybe it was her heart that simply couldn't take it anymore. Happiness just seemed to be the one thing she could never have.

She would have thought that the thought of never finding happiness would scare her more than it did. Maybe she had realized it long before she ever thought she had. Maybe she had realized it they day she decided to tell Sonny she was pregnant only to find him with Carly in her penthouse, maybe she had realized it the day she ran out of her wedding the Ned, maybe she had realized it the day Kristina died, or maybe she'd always known.

If she looked back, she had couldn't quite remember the last time she was happy. No, wait. That was a lie. She did remember the last time she was truly happy, and it was in his arms. Alexis cursed herself for the day she had looked into Sonny's Corinthos' eyes. She'd known even then, he would have her heart. Sure, she was with Ned, and later she married Jax. Both reasonably good guys, sure Ned was a rock star and a Quartermaine, but he wasn't dangerous like Sonny was.

Alexis knew she would fall for a bad boy, growing up with Stefan and Stavros and a psycho step-mother does that too you. She should strive for something safe, something she never had but she just couldn't. Danger was what got to her, and that fact alone was a enough to kill her, in more than one sense.

Alexis looked over at them again, trying to figure out how she would go on. That thought made Alexis laugh, it seemed ironic almost that seeing Sam and Sonny in each other's arms would be the one thing she couldn't handle. That she, Alexis Davis, would give up on everything because of them, after all the battle she had fought and won.

It was times like this she wondered if she had been better off dead, she hated to think that way, because of Kristina, and Molly. But still, they could have a new family now. Sure, having their sister as a step-mommy might give them scars forever, but they were teenagers now, at least Kristina was and Molly had just begun to realize that her family isn't like everyone else's. Not like everyone else's, that was to put it mildly. Most children don't lose their father at the age of 5 because he got caught in a mob war, or their cousin, most children don't have mommies who still have nightmares about their evil stepmothers like it was a poorly written fairytale.

That was what Alexis' life felt like, a poorly written fairytale, with princes, and evil step-mothers, castles, and the poor, yet strong half-sister. The only problem was, Alexis never found her prince charming. And she didn't have a glass slipper or a fairy godmother. She only had herself, and most of her life that had been enough. Sure, she had missed love, compassion and all the other stuff that people usually need to get by. But then again, she was a Cassadine why would she need any of that?

Cassadine's never found true love, and on the rare occasion they did, it was doomed long before it ever started. Cassadines usually equaled heartache, and that's when it hit her, when she looked over at Sam and Sonny. Sam was a Cassadine to, and maybe no, not maybe. Alexis was sure this time, something inside her told her, maybe it was her motherly instinct. Sam had just broken the Cassadine curse, it was funny though. She remembered how she had begged Sam to stay away from Jason because of his lifestyle.

Because she couldn't handle the danger when she was with Sonny. She knew it was selfish to ask Sam to let Jason go. It wasn't even because of the danger, she was jealous of her danger because she thrived on the danger, and unlike Alexis she wasn't afraid of admitting it. Alexis often wished she was more like her daughter, maybe is she was, she would be the one out of the dance floor with Sonny instead of Sam. She heard her daughter laugh at one of Sonny's trademark jokes and realized that Sam was happy now, in the arms of Alexis' true love.

It was time to let go, let go of him, let go of the pain, the regret, the feeling of never being complete again. He was happy with her, maybe because she accepted him in a way no one else ever could, maybe because they both bonded over the pain of losing what they'd always believed to be their soul mates. Or maybe just because that one drunken night after Jason and Carly's wedding had been so much more than that.

She knew it was time to let go, part of her knew she should have let go years ago. She should have let go the day her youngest girl lost her father because of his lifestyle, she should have let go the moment she realized that he never loved her like she did. Deep down she knew she should never have let herself fall for him in the first place. She just wasn't that kind of woman that could be what he needed. Sam was. It killed her to admit it, but it was true. Sam was the kind of woman she could never be, and it frightened her a little. She wanted her daughter to be safe, and she knew she would never be safe as Mrs. Sonny Corinthos, but she also knew that she couldn't change her daughter. It was who she was. She was born to be a Mrs. Sonny Corinthos. Her life fit into that, Alexis' never had.

It was time she stopped trying to replace him, and time she started looking for something new. Something she knew she could handle. Not safe, she knew she would never be happy with safe. But it was many kinds of bad, she just needed to find the kind of bad that wouldn't make her wonder if she would wake up a widow the next morning every time she went to sleep. Alexis knew it was no point in trying to forget him, she tried that before, and it only ended with her in more pain than she had ever been before. She'd tried to change him, make him into something she could live with. She should have known it was a lost cause. He would never change, and maybe she wouldn't either. But maybe it was worth a try, who knows; sometimes people live happily ever after, even in the poorly written fairytales.


End file.
